Lot's of Yoga, Little Observation.

I walked to the grocery store further away from my apartment yesterday because it was a 12 degree night in march, and because I had spent most of the day inside, cleaning. I happened to look up at an intersection on my way back, and saw these thick husky grey clouds rushing over the bruised purple sky. I felt like I had licked a battery. I shiver/shock ran down my body, and I felt so present, so alive, so "energetic". It shook me. I shook it.

Today, I caught sight of myself in one of the many mirrors at work. I looked foreign. A doughy, round donut sat under my shirt, clinging to the fabric. My eyes were tired, my skin ghostly pale even by my standards.

I finished 56 consecutive days of yoga about a week ago. The goal had been 100. Throughout the challenge, I pushed through a few physical boundaries. I can now without fail, fall over my legs in a standing forward fold, with my hips leading the way. My balance has improved. Even my Vira I is friendly now. The emotional breakthroughs were harder to measure, and far harder to push through. So I chose to feel it out, and whenever I could, not think about it. Believe that I somehow was healing without having to examine. I just had to keep practicing. Apparently, I also had to keep eating, playing games on my phone, watching sitcoms, binging on sweets. I had to keep reacting to things without evaluating why.

So two moments later and I'm confronted with the hatchling of what could become if I leave my demons unobserved. I need to check myself, I need to journal, I need to watch what I eat and what I think. In kindness not in judgement. But denial is not the road to go on, neither is the procrastination.
Stay tuned for my excavation of winter, and my jelly roll.

x0x.

Damn Good Yoga: "My Heart Burns like Fire"

Damn Good Yoga: "My Heart Burns like Fire": Soyen Shaku, the first Zen teacher to come to America, said:  "My heart burns like fire but my eyes are as cold as dead ashes."  He made t...

Give Joyfully.

We all have 5.5 liters of blood... We are all the same.

Meghan Currie Time Lapse Yoga.

Be Inspired.

Practicing with " God ".

Like most people I've grown up with, I'm uncomfortable with the word "God".  Being raised in the west, with a Catholic mother and an indifferent father, the use of the word God became synonymous with my guilt, my short comings, with repression. In the last decade of my life, I've come to associate it with a close friend of mine who chose to believe in "The Creation" story. Who has confessed to me years ago, drunk, that she knows it doesn't make sense, but her husband & In-laws need her to believe it. Since her re-immersion in Christianity she's quicker to mock and judge people on superficial things, she's more intolerant of other ways of life..

I've always been curious about religions, I spent half of my teens a "devout" Wiccan. I've studied Buddhism & Hinduism just for fun. But I've never thought to bring god into my house, my life or my practice. This has to do partly with the fact that I can't separate the word God from Christianity. When I imagine God he looks like a hungry, disproving Santa Claus. Intellectually, through yoga, I try to see God as everything, myself and my chair and my walls included. It hasn't gelled yet though, because even thinking about "God" sincerely makes me feel silly, like I'm trying to believe in some childhood fantasy.

This said, I've started reading Sharon Gannon & David Life's "Jivamukti Yoga" Book. Yoga is talked about as a path to enlightenment, not an exercise or a hobby or anything in between. Up until now, I've dismissed this side of yoga. Using it as a singular tool than as a system. Because it makes me uncomfortable. So each morning, while drinking my tea, I squirm with embarrassment as I hungrily read their earnest, devout guide to yoga. They implore the reader to dedicate their practice to something higher than themselves, to God. They state that doing this is part of liberation, and that "your practice will become full of grace." This isn't their idea really, Patanjali wrote this in his sutras, it's the way the system of Yoga was originally intended to be.

Lord Shiva statue in Rishikesh, India

So yesterday, for kicks, I tried it. I practiced in the evening, and set "God" as my intention. I came back to it a few times, telling myself, that I was giving away my practice, feeding something else with it. I laughed when my puppy interrupted, climbing on top of me during bridge, and took the time for savasana. I even meditated later on in the evening. I know that focusing on something other than my ego during the practice, including how I felt my practice reflected me, and my feelings, was helpful. It allowed me more room, and maybe more honesty about where I am in my practice.

Disclaimer: I don't know what I believe, truly. I also think it doesn't matter much, just about any view in the entire world could turn out to be wrong ( or right, simultaneously ) at the end of all things. I'm just thinking aloud. :)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful, and thoughtful day. 

Comfort Zone, Up, Up & Away!!

So, I promised I'd be writing about the classes I took this week. My goal was five, and I managed 3. Ponyo got sick earlier this week, and then I picked up a cold a couple of days ago. What I lacked in quantity, I made up for in quality though.

Wednesday: Yoga Flo 2 with Bram Levinson  @ Centre Luna Yoga 

This is one of my regular classes, and it's my favorite. Bram is awesome! The energy in the room is powerful, and the space itself is gorgeous. He often has playlists that reinvigorate you at just the right moment, i.e. Utthita Parsvakonasana. ( my arch nemesis ;] )

Thursday: Yin Yoga with Melanie @ Happy Tree Yoga

I had gotten my blood tested in the morning, which isn't something I deal particularly well with, so this class was blissful. Snuggling and stretching and laughing. Mel is the founder of happy tree, and she really embodies their attitude. Fun, warm, happy, and super down to earth. I left this class wishing I could do it again, or take a nap. 

Saturday: Boot Camp with Skye @ U.N.I. Training 

So, every Saturday at noon, UNI offers a free Boot Camp class.  We had run up & down the 8 flights of stairs, and then did some cardio drills, and then Skye said "We'll start the workout soon", and I laughed. My team mates looked at me and nodded, this was only the warm up. I was sure I was done for. Then somehow, it gets better. You're burning, and everything is trembling but you finish with this amazing sense of accomplishment, mingling with some nausea. Now, 2 hours later, I feel energized and excited to get my butt kicked again. :) Please check this out, if I can do it, you can too!

The video is a little something I found on my creative fling, and after being so nervous to try something new, it was the perfect reminded that any obstacle i'll ever face, is also just part of the blanket. 

I hope you all had an exciting and scary week. 

XOXJ

Out of Synch? Or fuel?

So, I feel that a small update on my non-yoga life will help make the following post more coherent. 

Last week we found out that we'd be getting a puppy. We'd been wanting, and looking for a dog for the past year, and never found our pup. When we did, it kind of fell together within 24 hours and boom! We were getting a dog, in 3 weeks. This set off a reaction in me of planning everything to the last detail, and making long work intensive "To Do" lists, a long with budgeting how much I had to make at work. For the last week my brain has been all puppy, all the time. Reading anything on training, housebreaking, vet visits, shopping lists, food etc. that I could find, and wracking my brain for a name that both Sean & I would love. I had my two yoga classes at Luna a long with reception, wednesdays class was unbelievably wonderful. I also managed to get on my mat Saturday and today. Kicking and screaming, but I made it.

Usually when "Yoga" is on my checklist, I savour it like the last bite of chocolate in a box, not like a chore. I let it take over my day, and love it. Saturday was a rushed and insincere primary practice, my breath was not involved.  

Today, I did mini snippets of yoga, headstands on the bed, handstands against the wall, a lot of rolling around on my mat, some back bends, twists and a warrior 3. It would've been fun if I could've shaken my tired/grumpy mood. I did manage to find my breath in pigeon, and the pose somehow felt like a release. 

I think I'm also nervous about our first evening out with friends where we won't be drinking. It's been roughly seventy days sober, and we're loving it, but tonight we're having a big thanksgiving/octoberfest thing with some work friends, and a bundle of people I don't know, and I don't do particularly well sober with strangers..

I know this wasn't a yoga post, really. I'll update when I get my groove back.