Thursday, 8 March 2012

Lot's of Yoga, Little Observation.

I walked to the grocery store further away from my apartment yesterday because it was a 12 degree night in march, and because I had spent most of the day inside, cleaning. I happened to look up at an intersection on my way back, and saw these thick husky grey clouds rushing over the bruised purple sky. I felt like I had licked a battery. I shiver/shock ran down my body, and I felt so present, so alive, so "energetic". It shook me. I shook it.

Today, I caught sight of myself in one of the many mirrors at work. I looked foreign. A doughy, round donut sat under my shirt, clinging to the fabric. My eyes were tired, my skin ghostly pale even by my standards.

I finished 56 consecutive days of yoga about a week ago. The goal had been 100. Throughout the challenge, I pushed through a few physical boundaries. I can now without fail, fall over my legs in a standing forward fold, with my hips leading the way. My balance has improved. Even my Vira I is friendly now. The emotional breakthroughs were harder to measure, and far harder to push through. So I chose to feel it out, and whenever I could, not think about it. Believe that I somehow was healing without having to examine. I just had to keep practicing. Apparently, I also had to keep eating, playing games on my phone, watching sitcoms, binging on sweets. I had to keep reacting to things without evaluating why.

So two moments later and I'm confronted with the hatchling of what could become if I leave my demons unobserved. I need to check myself, I need to journal, I need to watch what I eat and what I think. In kindness not in judgement. But denial is not the road to go on, neither is the procrastination.
Stay tuned for my excavation of winter, and my jelly roll.

x0x.

Damn Good Yoga: "My Heart Burns like Fire"

Damn Good Yoga: "My Heart Burns like Fire": Soyen Shaku, the first Zen teacher to come to America, said:  "My heart burns like fire but my eyes are as cold as dead ashes."  He made t...